Recently, I’ve had to complete three months of weekly sessions with a social worker to prepare for upcoming bariatric surgery. As part of the process, we talked about activities that I can commit to doing that keep my hands and mind busy. During those three months I saw something on Facebook; it was a post about an upcoming, local short story competition. I’ve had an idea for a short story swirling around in my brain since late summer (a confluence of things I’d heard or seen, and the resulting thoughts and feelings) and I considered submitting it. It’s not that I think I would have any chance of winning it but I wanted to do it as a challenge. There are so many ways in which I’m comfortable “putting myself out there”, but there are a few that are very uncomfortable for me and I’m trying to learn to face those. Sharing a story or a poem makes me feel much more vulnerable than sharing how I’m feeling. I decided not to enter the competition for no other reason than not wanting to deal with the entrance paperwork and fees right now. I’m learning not to take on too much when I’m feeling overwhelmed. For me, the real “win” would have been to face the fear of sharing it, so I decided I could do that right here. So, if you’re reading this (and, subsequently, the following story) then you are helping me overcome one of my fears. Thank you for supporting me in that way. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
IN OUR NATURE:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cDon\u2019t play too near to the shore\u201d, Ceta\u2019s mother, Kohola, warned as Ceta finished her milk. \u201cI want you\nback before sunset so we can enjoy dinner together\u201d. Kohola watched Ceta go, wary of letting her\nyoung daughter play on her own, and she\ngave her a long wave to let Ceta know she\u2019d be watching her from a distance. \u201cBe safe, little one\u201d, Kohola called after her\nin a soft voice. Ceta was thrilled at the opportunity to explore the coastline\nnear her family\u2019s summer home in the Pacific Northwest of British Columbia. The\nsummer home had been in Ceta\u2019s family for generations but it was her first time\nvisiting and she planned to explore every bit of it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Near to the shore she found the ocean was teeming with life.\nThere were starfish, and all kinds of seaweed, and plenty of little creatures\nwith hard shells that would scurry around at her presence. Ceta was gentle with them, for her mother had\ntaught her to be respectful of all living things. \u201cBut, Momma\u201d, Ceta had\nwondered out loud to Kohola recently, \u201cIf we respect all living creatures why\ndo we eat some of them?\u201d. \u201cIt is in our nature, Ceta\u201d, Kohola answered\npatiently, never seeming to tire of Ceta\u2019s demanding thirst for knowledge.\n\u201cEverything gives life to something else. The cost of every living thing comes\nat the expense of something else. There is no escaping this truth, and so we\nmust do our best to respect all living things as our equals, and be thankful\nfor our full bellies\u201d. Ceta wasn\u2019t always entirely satisfied with the answers\nthat Kohola provided, but Ceta had inherited her mother\u2019s patience and so she\nlearned to accept the answers knowing that she\u2019d understand more about the\nworld when she was older.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Ceta spotted a sea gull circling overhead. It called out and Ceta thought maybe the gull was talking to her, but she knew it was probably calling to its friends about some delicacy it had spotted. Ceta wished she could talk \u201csea gull\u201d, but she couldn\u2019t easily mimic the screeching cries of the gull with her sweet, young voice so she whispered songs to herself instead. Ceta loved music and her mother told her she inherited that from her father, Chord. Ceta had no reason not to believe Kohola, but Ceta hadn\u2019t seen her father in months, and she could barely remember the sound of his voice. Ceta had only her mother\u2019s word as proof but that was the soundest proof of all, really.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Ceta\u2019s parents met in Hawaii. Kohola would spend the winters\nentertaining passengers on cruise ships. The passengers clapped and cheered at the\nenthralling ways in which she could move her strong body in a display of dance.\nOn days when the ships were docked, Kohola would explore around the islands and\nit was on one of those days that she met Chord. He was immediately taken with\nher. He would sing to her in that slow,\nlow voice of his and she would sway her splendid body to the music that came\nfrom some profound place inside of him. They would scout the shorelines\ntogether, sunning their backs and enjoying the warmth on their bellies as they\nswam in the salty water. But love is like salt; sometimes salt preserves but sometimes\nit erodes even the strongest of foundations. By the time Kohola realized she\nwas pregnant, Chord had disappeared for the season and it wasn\u2019t until nearly a\nyear later that she saw him again. <\/p>\n\n\n\n When Kohola presented Ceta to Chord he showed little\ninterest in either of them but Kohola softened the blow by filling Ceta\u2019s world\nwith love and tender care. Once, Kohola took Ceta to hear Chord sing. Even from\na distance, Ceta could hear her father\u2019s voice wash over her in warm waves that\nmade her feel drowsy and wistful. \u201cWhy doesn\u2019t dad want to know me?\u201d, Ceta whispered to Kohola. \u201cIt\u2019s in his nature\u201d, Kohola said,\nwhich was a phrase she used often but that was the first time she\u2019d said it to\nCeta and it confused her with its newness. Ceta tried to press Kohola for more,\nbut Kohola told her to be grateful for the love in her life. \u201cBe grateful for\nyour Aunties. Be grateful for your cousin, Nova. Be grateful for the light of\nthe full moon\u201d. Ceta wanted practical\nanswers, but she sensed that maybe the not-knowing that hurt her also hurt\nKohola so, instead, she whispered to her mother in the dark about how much she\nloved her cousin Nova, and her Aunties, and most especially how much she loved\nKohola. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Something about Chord\u2019s song sounded simpler the last time\nKohola heard it. She didn\u2019t know whether his songs had changed or she had.\nMaybe it was both. Kohola tried not to think about it. Instead, she busied herself\nwith raising her daughter and being grateful that she was so close to her own\nsisters and niece. She would never be truly alone or without love because she\nwas surrounded by other strong females–family that would love her, protect\nher, help her raise her daughter just as she helped raise and love her niece.\nIt was better to focus on the daily moments of joy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Kohola waved to Ceta as way of checking in. Ceta waved back,\nhappily splashing and exploring. The noise of a nearby speed boat startled them\nboth but it quickly veered off in a different direction and soon the only\nsounds were ocean sounds again and Kohola and Ceta were content to enjoy the\nwarmth of the sun. Kohola was glad to have this special place that she could\nbring Ceta so that she could enjoy the same sights, and exploration, and food\nthat Kohola had enjoyed when she was young. Kohola noticed the changes in this\nspecial place, though. Every year there was more garbage bobbing around in the\nocean and littering the beaches. The temperatures were changing and some of her\nfavourite types of seafood were becoming scarce. Kohola didn\u2019t mind so much for\nherself\u2014she had faced change and loss before–but she sometimes worried about\nwhat the future would hold for Ceta and Nova. Would they continue to spend\nsummers here in the future? Would they bring their own sons and daughters here?\nKohola\u2019s thoughts were interrupted by Ceta who had returned to her and was full\nof whispers and giggles about all of the things she had seen that day. As\nalways, Ceta was hungry.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Soon, Ceta\u2019s aunts and cousin would join her and Kohola for an\nevening meal. It was such a pleasure to be together at this time of day with\nthe sun low in the sky and reflecting off the water in great orange waves of\nlight like ribbons rippling out to sea. Kohola lifted a flipper and waved Ceta closer,\ninviting her to nurse. She arched her long back so that her dorsal fin\nglistened in the sun. As Ceta drank, Kohola continued to ponder change, and the\nfuture, and her blessings.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Recently, I’ve had to complete three months of weekly sessions with a social worker to prepare for upcoming bariatric surgery. As part of the process, we talked about activities that I can commit to doing that keep my hands and mind busy. During those three months I saw something on Facebook; it was a post … <\/p>\n
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